Posted: February 15th, 2023

Read  “In the Swim” on pp. 217-218 and “Two Jobs” pp. 220-221 in what ways did the writers use the outlines successfully in developing the papers? What suggestions can you make for improving the outlines? What suggestions can you make for improving the essays?

In the Swim and Two Jobs are two essays that demonstrate how to use outlines successfully in developing a paper. In the Swim follows an 8-point outline, while Two Jobs follows a 6-point format. Both writers effectively utilize their outlines to organize and develop their thoughts into cohesive arguments or stories.

In In the Swim, the writer’s first point is “Fear of water” which she uses as an introduction to her topic of her fear of swimming at the local pool by describing her experiences in vivid detail. She then moves on to discuss strategies for overcoming this fear such as taking lessons and joining a team before finally discussing how she was able to overcome it by teaching herself techniques for breathing and relaxation. To conclude her story, she reiterates her initial thesis statement about conquering fear through determination.

The writer in Two Jobs develops his argument by using each point on his outline as evidence towards why he believes having multiple jobs can be beneficial. He begins with introducing himself followed by introducing both of his current jobs; gas station attendant and tutor respectively, before moving onto discussing more general topics such as time management skills, networking opportunities and financial benefits that come with working multiple jobs. From there he transitions into talking about personal achievements such as growing confidence levels due to his current situation before ending with a conclusion recapping all points discussed previously while tying them together under one umbrella idea: The rewards from working multiple jobs outweigh any perceived drawbacks or risks associated with doing so.

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Read  “In the Swim” on pp. 217-218 and “Two Jobs” pp. 220-221 in what ways did the writers use the outlines successfully in developing the papers? What suggestions can you make for improving the outlines? What suggestions can you make for improving the essays?

To improve both outlines further I suggest adding more specific details for each point in order to better flesh out ideas being discussed within each essay since some may seem too broad when reading them alone without context (such as Fear of Water). Additionally I think it would help if each writer had broken down their conclusions into separate points rather than lumping them into one statement since this could allow them to make stronger closing arguments overall instead of relying solely on summarizing what came before it without delving deeper into the topic or issues being discussed throughout the piece itself.

For improving both essays I recommend extending certain sections within each piece in order provide additional insight beyond just basic facts related/referenced within those sections (for example expounding more upon why having different kinds of job experiences is important instead of simply listing off reasons). Additionally connecting sentences together throughout should also be prioritized since this could help create smoother transitions between points being made along with providing follow up questions after blocks are complete which could serve as cues for readers wanting clarification or elaboration regarding certain sections mentioned beforehand (such as asking why people might want take up multiple jobs or including research material further cementing previous statements) leading up towards its eventual conclusion which should focus heavily on address main issue presented at start while still remaining relevant enough where readers feel they have been provided knowledge surpassing what had initially been anticipated when beginning read these pieces themselves

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